Penis size – does it matter?

admin — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 23:30:55 +0000

What do women think about penis size? And does it really make any difference to sex?

Penis size. Does it really make any difference to sex? Sue, sitting on my sofa, was clear: “Sure it matters! I’ve had some massive ones in my time, and I really enjoyed them!” My flatmates and I looked at each other, subdued. “It’s true,” said Helen, looking at the floor, “the bigger the penis, the better the feeling.” The look on Sophie’s face suggested she was dreaming of a time when she, too, had been impaled on the end of a massive penis. And it wasn’t a look that suggested she was regretting the experience.

Hearing these sexually experienced women say that sex felt better with a bigger penis was a shock to me. Surely penis size doesn’t matter? Don’t women love the man, not the penis? After all, that’s the message we hear from our early teens: it’s not what you’ve got, it’s what you do with it that counts. But is this just small-dicked men telling women what to think about penis size? Or is it women being kind and reassuring to men with small and average sized penises? Suppose it isn’t what women really think about penis size at all?

(All pictures taken from Images of Size – a photographic guide to penis size. Click here for more information.)

I was once in bed with a girlfriend when for some reason we started talking about penis size. Now, she knows a thing or two about penis size, having had more sexual adventures than most women (about twenty male partners in long or short relationships). Her first boyfriend, when she was a teenager, was quite well endowed, and she just assumed that all penises were about the same size as his. She went on to marry her second boyfriend, who turned out (on the wedding night) to have a four-inch long erect penis, a fact that she discovered when she reached down in the dark to play with his cock only to discover she couldn’t find it! Naturally I wanted to know whether sex with him was good. And she was a bit evasive – she said his penis was thick, so the width made up for the shortness. That seemed a bit like asking a woman if size counts and getting a weak smile and a kind of mumbled “mmm, well…” followed by a swift change of subject.

The next interesting part of her story was about the time she had sex with a man whose penis was nine inches long. The problem, she said, was that the condom only went halfway down his penis. In my naivety, I said, “Wasn’t it a bit big for you?”‘ She hesitated for a moment. Then, a bit self-consciously, she said: “No, I rather enjoyed it.”

So, if the evidence is to be believed, listening to what heterosexual women are saying means we have to acknowledge penis size does actually matter – to some of them at least. When I asked lots more women about penis size, I found a huge variety of answers to my questions: some women didn’t like big dicks at all, some thought average size ones were fine, some liked huge ones, and some didn’t care at all about penis size. But whatever the women said about penis size, they all spoke in terms of pleasure. And if you think about it, this is very different to the way men talk about penis size: men talk about penis size as though it represents status and power.

I am very fortunate in that my partner loves the way my penis stimulates her G spot, even though it is not particularly big. And she just loves having me inside her. Again, of course, this represents the principle that for a woman pleasure – however she achieves it – is more important than penis size itself. And it’s true: when discussing penetration, women use words like filling, stretching, friction, satisfying, rubbing, feeling: words that relate to physical sensation. Men, however, seem to have a more fundamental response: expressions I’ve heard used about penis size include ‘big swinging dick’, ’showing it off’, ’swinging in the locker room’, ‘how much of a man you are’ and so on. These are expressions about power, status, and prestige. Words that, when you think about it, relate to competition with other men and a feeling of being the top dog rather representing any sense of what women want.

So where does this take us? The question is, what do women want, sexually? And the answer, of course, is that it depends on the woman. Some prefer men who are tall and have dark hair, while some women like blondes. Some women prefer men with a great physique. Some like dominant men. Some want a passive partner. The whole range of male physical and emotional features appeal in different ways to different women – and penis size is just one of those features. Therefore some women like long cocks, some like small cocks, some like thick cocks, and some like small cocks. It is all a question of what each individual woman finds pleasurable and exciting. And above all else, this is probably more about the man than his penis. But to make the point: when women say that penis size is important, they are not condemning men with small cocks to a life of wanking alone. What they are saying is that their partner’s penis size – large or small – is one of a number of factors that influence how much sexual pleasure they enjoy in that relationship. And it is true that to some women penis size is totally unimportant.

But most men do not see penis size in terms of the pleasure it will give a woman. In fact it seems to me that men’s obsession with penis size is all about male vanity: firstly in the belief that if one has a big penis one will be a better lover, or somehow attract more women, or be more confident as a man. And secondly a man might desire a huge penis because he believes his lover will have a great time, say what a wonderful lover he is, and thereby make him feel more masculine. And thirdly so that women just take one look and say, “Fuck me, look at the cock on him!”

I think for men a big size penis is a bit like a sports car – something you own that makes you feel more of a man. There is no doubt that the majority of men think “bigger equals better.” No wonder then that so many men whose prized possession resembles a bean or an acorn rather than a marrow or a cucumber want to convince themselves that size doesn’t matter, and hate hearing women saying that, well, actually, in some ways it does matter! But the reason it matters to men is because they think women are saying real men have big cocks. And this is not what women are saying at all. I doubt you would find many women who are measuring a man’s masculinity by his penis size. When a woman says “a big penis feels nicer”, the man hears her say “a big penis means you’re more of a man or a better lover.” In fact she’s saying that a big penis feels nicer!

A man’s biggest fear is not that a woman won’t enjoy sex because his penis is too small – it’s that she will take one look, laugh her head off and humiliate him. It’s the fear of being exposed as a small dicked-man that terrifies men. (Remember the false assumption “a small penis equals an unmasculine man”). And the problem is that while men think like this, whether they are swinging it around like a baseball bat, or complaining about how small it is, they are not focusing on giving their partner what she wants.

When men accept that penis size can influence a woman’s pleasure and enjoyment of sex, things will be much better for everyone. Men can see the situation honestly and know that deficiencies in the size department can be compensated for in other ways – new techniques, being a better lover, learning more about what turns their partner on. And this all means they will come to understand more clearly what their woman actually wants. Remember the joke: a bastard is a man who fucks you with a three inch cocks and then kisses you goodbye with a six inch tongue. It may be a woman’s joke, but what it says is clear: men, stop being so penis-obsessed and realize you can do other things that send women into raptures.

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Penis size – does it matter?