Introducing a Toy to Your Relationship
Taking a break from your normal routine and experiencing your lover in a new way can not only bring back the fire of when you first got together, it’s also a great time to spice up your love life with sensual enhancements.
Persuading your partner to try a sex toy is similar to coaxing him into anything new – sexual or not. Change can be unsettling, but sexual changes can be even more so because intimacy is loaded with emotion. Some men may feel that the reason you want to try a toy means his abilities or equipment are not satisfying to you. Reassure him that he is irreplaceable, that includes a toy is just an enhancement to introduce some variety and spice to your sex life.
For men who feel that sex aids are unnatural and say that sex should involve no more than your two bodies, you can point out that a sex toy is just like any other sexual enhancement; lingerie, perfume, candlelight or sexy movies. Pointing this out might provide some perspective on your desire to introduce a sex toy. Your relationship is a partnership – you are both in this together. Make the decision together, select the toy together. Trust goes a long way, and sharing the experience helps promote that trust.
Talk to him about toys and your curiosity to try them with him. The reality of sex toys may be a bit overwhelming for him, so don’t pressure him if he pauses. He may think that a sex toy will replace him – you can respond by asking him if masturbation makes him desire you any less. The obvious answer is no, it doesn’t. Just listen to him and consider his feelings. He might not be willing now, but you’ve opened the door and if he’s even slightly curious, he’ll be thinking about it. Remember, great communication equals great sex.
Let him watch you with your toy and encourage him to use it with you. Help him out by telling him what to do, where to put it, and how it feels. Eventually, try to use the toy with him. Be gentle, only use it lightly and allow him to get the general feeling of the vibrations against sensitive areas like behind his testicles, or slide it gently along the shaft of his penis.
Be flexible when introducing new toys. What you think might be a perfect toy may not work out for him. That’s perfectly ok; put that one aside for yourself and try something different. Communicate with him and find out what he’s curious about or do a little research and show him your findings before you buy. A great introductory couples’ toy is a c-ring. Communicate how the added sensations can enhance your experience.
Always use a lubricant when engaging in any sexual activity and a toy cleanser when using toys.
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